8am: I arrive at work and notice a spider on the threshold between the shipping room and the stock room.
9am: I have named the spider Spot. Spot is about an inch long, with distinctive stripes (probably a grass spider).
11am: I decide that Spot is my new assistant, and begin quietly narrating everything I do so she can learn.
1pm: I give Spot a pen so she can take notes on shipping procedures.
2pm: I attempt to give Spot a clipboard, ostensibly to help with note-taking, but more so I can relocate her to a place where she won't be as likely to be stepped on. Spot attacks the clipboard, pouncing on and biting it.
3pm: In light of this startling workplace violence, I fire Spot, and recommend that she attend anger management classes.
4:30pm: I leave work, and see Spot still hanging around the stock room. She's going to be one of those former employees.