Friday, July 5, 2019

Earth-Shattering Kaboom

Where I'm living right now is the most urban place I've ever lived in. I can cope with most of the downsides, but this week has been especially trying. Turns out this is a terrible place to live if you don't do well around fireworks.

There are about ten town centers within ten miles of here. Each one of them does their own fireworks display for Independence Day, and they don't all do them on the same night. So evenings this week have been loud and anxiety-ridden, and sleep has been hard to come by. If it were just the municipal fireworks, I might be okay, because they generally wrap up by 10:30pm, which means I have a chance of falling asleep by midnight... but then the neighbors get started, and there's no point calling the cops because they won't arrive before the neighbors pack up for the night. One neighbor was up 'til 1:30am setting off fireworks Wednesday night, which meant I got no sleep at all.

You'd think with all the veterans' groups spreading the word about PTSD and the animal shelters talking about noise-sensitive pets, that people would get the message and stop using the extra-loud kind of fireworks... but no, this is 'Murica, land of over-the-top everything.

I miss Vermont.

Saturday, April 27, 2019

One Thing Leads To Another

Being someone who's curious about all sorts of things and loves to learn, I frequently find myself exploring labyrinthine knowledge paths and picking up all sorts of tidbits I didn't expect. Such was the case the other day when, thanks to a random picture on Pinterest, I started exploring a new facet of a subject I've been interested in for a while.

One of the things I love about historical reenactment is that dressing in garb gives me an excuse to cover my hair. I love my waist-length tresses and all the things I can do with them, but I hate the way wayward strands tickle my face or get caught in anything from the hinges on my glasses to a closing car door. Being able to wrap everything up in a turban or other headwear without it looking out of place is a boon to me. So when I saw a pin on Pinterest with a type of hair wrap that was new to me, I wanted to learn more.

The path took me to some vendors I hadn't known about before, some blog posts and videos with wrapping techniques that I might use... and set me at the door to the world of "radical" (they frequently use this word to describe themselves) Christian women who follow 1 Corinthians 11 on the subject of headcovering.

I'm all for expressing one's religious beliefs in whatever (not-harmful-to-others) manner one feels called to. If you feel closer to your god by demonstrating your submission with a piece of fabric, I will defend your right to do so, and may even join you in solidarity if you are being attacked for your choice. Personally, I'm with you if your purpose is eschewing vanity, but I stop at the point where you believe you're less worthy, less godly, less anything than a man. Still, if that's what you believe, you're welcome to it, as long as it doesn't bleed over into public policy or my personal life.

The issue I have with this group of women is that, in their posts and videos, they focus on how attractive their methods of headcovering are. They spend a lot of time, energy, and money on what seems to be more of a hobby than a religious practice. They turn an article of submission and modesty into one of vanity, all while thumping their Bibles, and don't seem to notice the cognitive dissonance.

Herein lies my biggest problem with organized religion: those who are most vocal about the "rules" tend to be the worst at following them, but refuse to admit it. It's hard to take a group seriously or give them the respect they expect when their actions run counter to their words. Some of the most outspoken "believers" I've met have been the least godly, had the worst moral compasses, and been the biggest hypocrites.

As morality, character, and spirituality have come more into focus in my life of late, I've found myself dispairing at the fate of humanity. Our selfishness and greed have been growing, our willingness to take responsibility for our actions has all but disappeared, and we don't seem to feel shame for much of anything anymore. It's leading to anarchy, which is a situation that only benefits the most violent, the most opportunistic, the most conniving among us.

It's frustrating to be in a position where I'm searching for hope and structure, and the one place that seems tailor-made to provide what I want is also the poster child for the ills I'm seeking refuge from. But hey, now I know some news ways to wrap my hair.


Saturday, February 9, 2019

First

One of my coworkers was recently diagnosed with cancer. It's a type that's got a high rate of successful treatment, and it was caught very early, so we're not afraid for his life, but he'll have to be out for a while for surgery and recovery. He had the first of two procedures earlier this week, and I expected to hear how it went the next day from one of the guys who have his number. When nobody had volunteered news by the second day after the procedure, I asked whether anyone had called him.

"None of us want to be the first one to call," said my manager.

I was a bit gobsmacked at this. I know that women in this culture are trained to be the caretakers, the communicators, the ones who maintain the social networks and keep the grapevine humming, and that men aren't, but this group of guys out-gossip some of the women at work by a significant margin, so to see them actively shying away from reaching out to see how a friend is doing... I can't quite wrap my brain around it.

Finally, one of the other (male) managers called, and I happened to overhear part of the conversation, so I know the guy's doing fine, if a little loopy on pain meds. But I'm still confused as to why the other men were so afraid of showing interest or compassion. It's one more reason for me to be glad I'm leaving this job for one that's closer to home, better paying, and less stressful.

Saturday, January 5, 2019

The Purpose of God

I'm (finally) reading Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale for the first time, and a line about halfway through the book jumped out at me. The narrator is talking to God about loved ones with whom she's lost contact, and she says, "You might even provide a Heaven for them. We need You for that. Hell we can make for ourselves."

I had thought of the development of religion in a more granular way, as being helpful in explaining natural phenomena or acting as an excuse to dominate other people(s) -- as a collection of small reasons that gradually became a larger agenda. But Atwood's words are so simple, so succinct, and frame the concept in a way that's achingly sad: we're excellent at being miserable and making each other miserable, but to concieve of being truly happy we need our omnipotent creator. We wish and hope and dream about being happy... but only when we're dead and in the arms of a god we've spent our lives trying to please but simultaneously mucking everything up because we can't agree on how to do it.

Hell we can make for ourselves. And Lord, are we ever good at it.