One of my coworkers was recently diagnosed with cancer. It's a type that's got a high rate of successful treatment, and it was caught very early, so we're not afraid for his life, but he'll have to be out for a while for surgery and recovery. He had the first of two procedures earlier this week, and I expected to hear how it went the next day from one of the guys who have his number. When nobody had volunteered news by the second day after the procedure, I asked whether anyone had called him.
"None of us want to be the first one to call," said my manager.
I was a bit gobsmacked at this. I know that women in this culture are trained to be the caretakers, the communicators, the ones who maintain the social networks and keep the grapevine humming, and that men aren't, but this group of guys out-gossip some of the women at work by a significant margin, so to see them actively shying away from reaching out to see how a friend is doing... I can't quite wrap my brain around it.
Finally, one of the other (male) managers called, and I happened to overhear part of the conversation, so I know the guy's doing fine, if a little loopy on pain meds. But I'm still confused as to why the other men were so afraid of showing interest or compassion. It's one more reason for me to be glad I'm leaving this job for one that's closer to home, better paying, and less stressful.
